hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
