if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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