you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
