He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
