Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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