i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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