nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
