Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
