I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
