it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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