Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
