i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
