is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
