i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
