Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
