As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
