Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
