As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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