if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it was like eating out sand paper
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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