I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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