i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
