Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
