the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
