dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
