Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
