she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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