I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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