I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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