That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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