Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
