my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
there is puke in my bra ... again
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