rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
