who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
