just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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