I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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