so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
