i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
