literally had 100 drinks last night.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
