my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
