apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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