I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
