The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
