Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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