TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
