my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
