ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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