So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
