I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
