Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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