How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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