He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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