He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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