kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
