my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
