feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
