did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
