Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
