my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You may now shotgun with the bride
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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