Im at strip club and am horny
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
