this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
