Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
