i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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