We're like a lot better than the average bears
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You can't motorboat a personality
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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