Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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