I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
