I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
there was a trapeze. enough said
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
