if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
