yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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