WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
