guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
