I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Panties = found
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
