a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
