I heard we made out
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize