I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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