he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
