There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
